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So, sit back, relax, and enjoy the laughs and feels! Music. BiggerCity is the premier dating & community site for gay men of size and the men who love them. For over 20 years, we have served the community with a safe and fun place to connect, meet, and find love online. BiggerVegas is one of the world's largest social gatherings for gay men of size and their admirers.

It's a fun, multi-day event for the Chub and Bear communities. I grew up hating my body. Those lines were taken straight from bios of Grindr profiles that I read this morning. They made me question why I decided to redownload the dating app time and again. The last profile bio I came across just broke my heart.

Should that person apologize for being plus-size in this world?

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Should I? When I came out, I was excited to live in a time with plenty of dating apps for people like me to meet one another. I was naive then. I did not yet realize that once people saw my picture—my round, grinning face, thick glasses, oversized T-shirt and pants—they immediately marked me as undesirable. Hundreds of men rejected and ignored me, or even mocked me for having the nerve to ask them out.

From my observations over the years, gay men can be very unforgiving when it comes to judging different body types that people have—even more so than straight men. Many gay men spend a lot of time in the gym hoping to look like ancient Greek gods someday. Your fashion sense and how you carry yourself matter too, especially in big cities like Jakarta. But maybe because looking for approval is something that comes naturally in me, I need affirmations too sometimes.

I think many people will agree. I got in touch with other gay men to learn what their journey to self love is like. I have always been undermined because of my appearance. Once, someone called me ugly to my face. Other people have eagerly asked to meet in real life but once we did, they looked for any excuse to get out of the date.

Besides to become healthy, I also want to fit in with the gay community here. I take care of myself by working out, wearing better outfits that flatter my body, and keeping a skincare routine. But then again, all those efforts have paid paid off now. Then Grindr came and boom—my self-esteem dropped so low. It made me change my looks.

I started to wear more casual and masculine clothes—no more crop tops. I also stopped dyeing my hair. But now I realized that it was such a stupid decision. I have heard all the insults— fat, chubby, ugly. It hurt, actually. There were times in which I challenged them to meet me so they could say that shit to my face. But they just blocked me every time. I pitied them in a way, but also I pitied myself for even wasting my time texting them back.